Dan and Kermit Talk

25

Sigh, Claudius

Kermit

The price on I, Claudius is fluctuating wildly—I would be prudent to purchase it now, while it is $10 cheaper on Amazon, but then I would have nothing for Gladiator money…

Dan

Do you want I, Claudius?

Kermit

Yes, why?

Dan

If you didn’t want it, that would negate the prudence.

Kermit

It has Patrick Stewart, you ruffian!

Dan

Oh, right.

I’m not really into—y’know—history. What’s to be learned from it? Everyone dies. How depressing.

Kermit

Everyone doesn’t die immediately.

SCENE: Interior home. Kermit sits on couch in front of big-screen TV.
Title card I, Claudius appears on screen.
Actors wearing togas appear, promptly collapse in death-throes.
Fade to credits.