The price on I, Claudius is fluctuating wildly—I would be prudent to purchase it now, while it is $10 cheaper on Amazon, but then I would have nothing for Gladiator money…
Do you want I, Claudius?
If you didn’t want it, that would negate the prudence.
It has Patrick Stewart, you ruffian!
I’m not really into—y’know—history. What’s to be learned from it? Everyone dies. How depressing.
Everyone doesn’t die immediately.
SCENE: Interior home. Kermit sits on couch in front of big-screen TV.
Title card I, Claudius appears on screen.
Actors wearing togas appear, promptly collapse in death-throes.
Fade to credits.